Naked Abu Ghraib Prisoner Wins Extreme Makeover
BAGHDAD, Iraq (DPI) - Shockwaves emanated throughout the world this week
as photos from Abu Ghraib prison were released to the media. The shock was
felt even in the world of reality television.
"We were stunned to see that U.S. troops could be so brutal, so heartless,
as to take nude photos of such flabby, out-of-shape prisoners," said ABC
executive Bob Schofield. "We just *had* to do something to alleviate the
misery of those in Abu Ghraib, so we took action by providing one of the
most deserving detainees with an extreme makeover."
Schofield said ABC chose 35-year-old olive vendor Moqtada Mohammed based
on his clear need for several cosmetic procedures, including liposuction,
a tummy tuck and a Brazilian butt lift. Schofield added that Mohammed
could also opt to receive a nose job, chin implant and electrolysis for a
monobrow, but conceded that he was unsure whether any of those procedures
would be necessary. "In the photos, you can't really tell if he needs any
of that stuff since his head is covered with a pair of women's panties,"
The Makeover Specialist
Mohammed expressed near-appreciation upon hearing the news, saying, "Until
I saw the photos of my naked ass splashed all over the world, I hadn't
realized how much I'd let myself go since I arrived here at Abu Ghraib.
I've had a pretty hectic schedule, what with the posing with female G.I.s
who are pointing at my exposed genitals, building nude pyramids, that kind
of stuff. I guess I really haven't been taking enough 'me' time."
While Mohammed believes that the makeover could help how he feels about
himself, he said his self-esteem could be improved even more "if the
broomstick sodomizations would cease."
(Reported by Miles Walker)