CURRENT ISSUE 7/6/04 Front Page Weekly Features Ain't That America? McQuigly & Moss Moth's Diary Musing With Mitch The Probethicist Probe Film Strip: Spider-Man 2 Info Previous Issues Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!

Spider-Man 2 A film review in words and pictures "'Is this a dagger I see before me... it's blade'... no, wait... 'It's handle turned toward... me... or something....' SHIT! WHY did I drink so much in theatre school?" "One, two, cha-cha-cha…three, four, cha-cha-cha..." "You think THESE are intimidating? You should see the FIST attachments!" The secret of Alfred Molina's tan revealed. "Oh, SNAP! If he's got a fifth tentacle in his pants, I'm dead." "Why do I have to be WET in every movie? Can't they just rely on my TALENT? Ah, who am I kidding? Bring on more ice-cold water." "It doesn't take much to see that all the problems of a psycho scientist, a redhead with great cans and a kid in a bug suit don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world." "Eye contact... keep making eye contact... come on, FOCUS, Peter, she's upset! Quit staring at her funbags! Eye contact!" "Yeah, that's right: I'm a WEB SURFER! Get it? I'm... I'm a WEB surfer... and Spider Man spins WEBS! It's funny because it's a play on words, see? ... Ah, fuck it." "So, the girl at the club said her name was Jenny, and her number is 867-5309... ah shit, don't tell me I fell for THAT one again." Tobey never got the hang of this whole "flipping people off" thing. "So, YOU'RE the one who voted for Bush, are you? Reveal yourself!!!!" (Reviewed by The Naked Critic)

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