The Top 5 List The Daily Probe Ruminations Save Martha Stewart!






CURRENT ISSUE


7/8/03

Front Page

Weekly
Features

Advice From Strangers

Ain't That America?

Riding Shotgun With Adventure

Musing With Mitch

Moth's Diary

Info

Archives
Swagge Shoppe
Who's at Fault?
Contact Us!



Aye, mateys!
Get you some
Daily Probe booty!



Advice from Strangers


This Week's Guests

Venus and Serena Williams


Dear Venus and Serena,

My dad wants me to be a professional athlete. I think he's pushing me too hard. Any advice?

Tired of Sports


Serena: Our dad was one of those pushy dads. It worked for us as I've now won five Grand Slam titles in a row.

Venus: Oh right, rub that in my face, why don't you, Serena.

Serena: Well if you stopped trying to be a supermodel and got back to tennis, you might beat me again ... maybe.



Dear Girls,

You both are winners as far as I'm concerned. There couldn't be a better pair of athlete sisters in the world. The tennis world would be nothing without you both. Venus? I know you would have won Wimbledon if you weren't playing with that leg injury. Just as long as one of you keeps winning every major tournament.

Loves my Daughters


Venus: Oh thank you, Daddy. I love you.

Serena: That's right, suck up to Dad.

Venus: If it weren't for Dad, you'd be working at a Hooters somewhere. We have the best dad in the world.

Serena: You DO know that we control our prize money now right?

Venus: Huh?



Dear Serena,

Congratulations on winning Wimbledon once again this year. Watching you play sends shivers all over my body. I watch every match you play, go to every tournament you're in. I Idolize you so much. Why aren't you answering my letters or e-mail? When I was following Monica Seles, she wouldn't give me the time of day either, you saw how I took care of that bitch.
Guenter in Hamburg


Venus/Serena: SECURITY!!


(Transcribed by Jeff Rabinowitz and Danny Gallagher)





The Daily Probe is updated every Tuesday
or whenever we damn well feel like it.

Copyright 2001-2004 / All Rights Reserved
No use allowed without prior permission.