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Ardent Elvis Fan Achieves Ultimate Goal, Dies on Toilet
MEMPHIS, Tenn. (DPI) - Doug Freely talked like the King, walked like the
King
and, to the extent of his modest means would allow, lived like the King. On
Wednesday morning, Freely's landlord discovered the 48-year-old bachelor had
finally "left the building" just like the King.
"Stone cold dead on the toilet," said Albert Huxley, owner of the
dilapidated east-side duplex the former Department of Motor Vehicles clerk
has called home for the last 23 years.
Freely's few friends recalled the pathos that was his lifelong obsession
with Elvis. Besides the requisite penchant for garage-sale
memorabilia, his favorite pastime was cruising in his dilapidated 1967
Cadillac Coupe de Ville, 8-track blaring, while wearing one of his many
homemade pleather jumpsuits.
"He always said he would like to go out like Elvis, " said one co-worker
who declined to be identified. "I always assumed he was talking
metaphorically. Guess not. "
Doctors say a life long diet of fried banana sandwiches and
barbiturate-laced
milkshakes had finally taken their toll. Gone, and inevitably soon to be
forgotten, there is a small chance Freely's legacy will live on.
"He did a pretty good job of making up the master bedroom to look just like
the Jungle Room," said Huxley. "I imagine that might help me rent the
place pretty fast. So long as I can get rid of the dead-guy stank."
(Reported by Brad Osberg)
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The Daily Probe is updated every Tuesday or whenever we damn well feel like it.
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