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Musing With Mitch  

by Mitchell Kobriger  

Mitchell Kobriger

I think those Supreme Court justices just want attention. If everybody would just stop reading their decisions, maybe they'd go away.

Here to stay: Tattoos. Just try to scrub one of those damn things off. I dare you.

For my money, there's nothing creepier than midgets who juggle.

I don't know why they make such a big deal out of it -- when I was a baby, I got shaken all the time, and I turned out okay.

It's shocking for someone so artistic, but I have to say -- my barber has terrible taste in pants.

The best exercise in the world? Digging tunnels.

Jagermeister and Twister. Rearrange the letters, drop a few you don't need, add a "k", "n" and "d" ... and you have "weekend," my friend!

Idea! Somebody needs to invent an eating utensil with a fork on one end and a spoon on the other.

I wish had webbed feet. I bet that kind of thing drives the ladies wild.

Reese Witherspoon's career will peak once people notice that her chin could double as a doorknob.

Ol' Mitch lives his life by one simple rule: Only complete morons pay income taxes.

I have never ever never ever ever never never never never ever ever ever ever never ever ever never ever ever never never ever never ever never ever eaten bacon.

Trust me, I've had goiters that would bring a weaker man to tears.

Call me mentally unstable, but I think the numbers on a hopscotch board should go to 11.

You just don't see a lot of girls named Swoosie these days. Damned shame, too.

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