Bush's Cro-Magnon Speech Writer to Retire
WASHINGTON (DPI) - After writing his final speech, "Slavery Bad, No
Slavery Good," for President Bush's African tour, long-time Bush speech
writer Nog announced his retirement. Nog, a Cro-Magnon caught in a
temporal displacement vortex and thrown 35,000 years forward in time,
was picked up by then-Texas Gov. Bush for his strong words and
straightforward concepts. The Governor's "Texas Good, No Texas, No
Good!" winning campaign had Nog's unmistakable touch.
But some in the White House had problems with Nog's style, notably
pointing that "America good, Kyoto paper bad, bad" was a bit
under-nuanced for the delicate touch needed to massage European allies.
But the president continued to trust him, and even, it is rumored, let
him have a hand in shaping policy. Many claim the "Tax cut good, tax cut
good" policy was due in large part to Nog's underdeveloped vocal cords
being unable to form the more complex sounds needed for a more complex
But even Nog's detractors had to admit that his woolly mammoth-killing
sentiments were perfect for a post Sept. 11 era requiring strong, clear-eyed
leadership, with strong, clear-eyed speeches. Few who
tuned in could forget Bush's stirring, "Bin Laden ... Bin
Laaaadeeennn! Aarruguughh! UUUUUUUURRRAAAG! EEEAAAA!" words in the State
of the Union address.
But many felt Nog's words lost their magic when it came time to convince
the world that the United States needed to invade Iraq. And many speeches
such as "Saddam, Urk! Urk! Urk!" just plainly didn't make sense. And
with the political landscape readily changing and Nog entering his
undoubtedly final years at age 19, he decided it was time to call it
(Reported by Davejames)
The Daily Probe is updated every Tuesday
or whenever we damn well feel like it.
Copyright 2001-2004 / All Rights Reserved
No use allowed without prior permission.