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7/27/04

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It's a Living

A guest Probeatorial by
Rex the Pterodactyl




You know, supplying motive power to an assortment of prehistoric household items ain't always a picnic. The hours are long, and the tasks are often pretty thankless. I mean geez, let's be frank: a lot of birds out there probably have more free time than I do. Instead of engaging in the drudgery of repetitive manual labor, they're hanging out in the park or flying south for the winter or whatever.

Chances are they've never spent eight hours blowing air on a fireplace by having their legs repeatedly squeezed back and forth. They've also likely never sat inside a 10-pound granite camera, chiseling images onto tablets with their beaks in the 90-degree heat. Then again, who am I to complain? A lot of these poor fellas don't even have enough money to take care of their wives and kids. Yeah, the work I do can be pretty grueling some days, but at least it's enough to put a few worms in the ol' nest. What can I tell you? It's a living.

Contrary to what you might have heard, most anthropomorphic feathered vertebrates can count on landing some form of gainful employment. If you're not afraid of a solid day's work, chances are you won't have to line up at the ol' welfare office all that often. Gosh knows I've been able to hold on to a bunch of decent jobs over the years: intercom, hedge clipper, crochet needle, car horn - the list goes on.

Heck, in my younger years I even spent a couple of summers working as a pie maker. I'd use my beak to trim the extra crust around the pan, and then crimp the top and bottom crust together with my feet. It was good honest work, and hey, if you kept your mouth shut and minded your Ps and Qs, at the end of the day they'd give you some free pie filling to take home to la familia. Sure, a job like that ain't the most glamorous thing in the world. But I'll tell you this much for free: It's a living.

I've been hearing a lot of talk about electricity someday being harnessed and used as a means of power generation. You know, like some sort of energy conversion system capable of independently fueling various home and industrial appliances. Guys down at the pub are saying when that day comes, birds everywhere will be emancipated, finally freed from their "oppressive shackles," whatever that's supposed to mean. All I can say about that is, does "freedom" mean not having the money to cover your water bill every month? 'Cause I'll tell you something: if you're even a few days late on a payment, those elephant trunks are gonna stop coming.

Yep, if it's all the same, I think I'll keep on doing what I'm doing. A little dirt under the ol' claws sure as shucks never hurt anybody. Heck, some people say you haven't truly worked until you've taken a job as an agitator for a washing machine. And you know something? I have a feeling they might be right. This line of work may not look like much to a lot of folks out there, but at the end of the day, one thing's for sure: it's a living.


(Transcribed by Steven Shehori)





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