CURRENT ISSUE 07/29/03 Front Page Weekly Features Advice From Strangers Ain't That America? Musing With Mitch Moth's Diary News from Travistan Info Archives Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	Man Screws Over Family by Dying Within Days of 100th Birthday SIOUX CITY, Iowa (DPI) - Just four days shy of his 100th birthday, 99-year-old Chester Rogers died today, resulting in a big letdown to family members. "This was just one of the many, many ways that he failed us over the years," said granddaughter Sandra Rogers. "It reminded us of when he came in second place in the Boston Marathon, or of the many times he came close to, but never succeeded, in becoming the top salesman at his company. What can I say, Grampa was just a quitter." According to family members, becoming the Grim Reaper's bitch within hours of his 100th birthday was simply one final screw job from Rogers to the family that loved and cared for him. "And to think we fed him intravenously and kept him in an iron lung the last three years for nothing." (Reported by Miles Walker)
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