CURRENT ISSUE 07/29/03 Front Page Weekly Features Advice From Strangers Ain't That America? Musing With Mitch Moth's Diary News from Travistan Info Archives Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	Portly Dad Gets Stuck in Playground Set TACOMA, Wash. (DPI): What began as a brief break in a nine-hour drive to visit relatives ended up being an embarrassing and, at times, frightening ordeal for George Myers Jr. The Seattle man became wedged into an upper tube of a McDonald's PlayPlace playground set, where he remained for more than three hours. As he tried in vain to loosen himself from the Plexiglas prison, his wife and two daughters went through emotions ranging from laughter to fear to shame to sheer boredom. After he was freed, Myers recalled his experience while enjoying a complimentary large order of fries and a Triple-thick shake. "We never had cool stuff like this when I was a kid," said the 37-year-old, 290-pound man. "I just wanted to see what it was like playing in one of these things. At first my daughters thought I was kidding around as usual. Twenty minutes later, my wife began to wonder where I was. A group of kids were getting pretty impatient with me blocking their way, I think one boy grabbed some money out of my pocket, and some little red-headed kid kept pelting me with those colored plastic balls." Early failed rescue attempts included four 7-year-olds pushing and pulling the man; two frustrated parents trying to pull him down the slide; and the use of fryer grease to try to slide him out. "When your clothes smell like French fries, all you want to do is eat," said Myers. The plugged playground was finally returned to normal when a crew from the Tacoma Fire Department used a Jaws of Life device, more typically used in car wrecks, to extricate Myers. Damage to the PlayPlace was minimal and the McDonald's manager said he would not press charges. "The Hamburglar poster clearly states that this facility is for ages 2 to 10," said Steve Merk, the assistant manager who was on duty at the time. "But the man did remove his shoes before entering, as the Grimace poster demands, so I'm willing to look the other way. Besides, those Japanese tourists seemed to enjoy taking pictures of him, and we had fun in the kitchen talking about 'Mr. McFatass.'" This was not Myers' first unfortunate enounter with children's play equipment. He has collapsed his nephew's treehouse, irreparably damaged his daughter's tricycle and crushed a chair while coloring with the kids at the pediatrician's office. "I guess it's time for me to act my age and size," He said. "I guess it's just trampolines and bumper cars from here on out." (Reported by Buddy Fisher)
The Daily Probe is updated every Tuesday or whenever we damn well feel like it. Copyright 2001-2004 / All Rights Reserved No use allowed without prior permission.