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President Travis

News From Travistan

The Daily Probe Reports from the
Sovereign Apartment Nation of Travistan

No Travistani Environmental Threat, Says Leader

TRAVAMABAD (DPI) - Facing harsh criticism for the administration's handling of a cleanup operation in the apartment-nation's TV district, President Travis of Travistan today lashed out against his attackers, claiming that much of the stain in the carpet was there before he dropped the slice of pizza. "What [Travistani environmental administrator] Mrs. Travis doesn't realize is that the dark spot next to the coffee table showed no correlation in our toxicity tests with pepperoni and mushroom, the focus of our cleanup." In fact, said the President, the government's high-tech "sniff" test suggested the spot was a previously undetected dog pee-pee. "While we in the administration are committed to keeping our nation's carpet free of all potentially staining products, you can't really blame ME for the dog's doing," said Travis. Further inspection of the spot is expected when Mrs. Travis returns from shopping.

(Reported by Travis Ruetenik)

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