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7/30/02

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President Travis
News from Travistan

The Daily Probe Reports from the
Sovereign Apartment Nation of Travistan


Travistan Full of New Age Crap

TRAVAMABAD (DPI) - The Travistani Domestic Affairs Bureau has been tracking a sharp increase in the occurrence of incense, candles and freaky music around the apartment-nation this month after President Travis launched an investigation into the New Age-y feel to the place. According to government statistics, Travistani citizens have been spending unusual amounts of time reading Eastern philosophy and engaging in aromatherapy, leading the dictator and president-for-life to worry about a possible cultural revolution. Speaking from the Everyday Magick bookstore in Kaimuki, the first lady and minister of domestic affairs scoffed at rumors that Travistan was becoming "all Wiccan or pagan or something." In a speech before the populace Wednesday, President Travis issued a scathing review of current cultural affairs, suggesting the nation's current #1 record sounded like "pan flute-playing Aborigines being shot at by a flying saucer."

(Reported by Travis Ruetenik)


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