The Top 5 List The Daily Probe Ruminations Save Martha Stewart!



Front Page


Advice From Strangers

Ain't That America?

Frankie Haskins

Musing With
Lil' Mitchie

Moth's Diary

News from

Movie Corner


Crap Shop
Who's at Fault?
Contact Us!

Aye, mateys!
Get you some
Daily Probe booty!


Why Doesn't Anybody Love Me?

by Frankie Haskins

When you're 7-year-old Frankie Haskins, you're used to getting hosed constantly. Not in the Father Flanagan who-got-transferred-to-St. Anthony's sense, but pretty much every other which way.

For example, let's take this morning. I was abruptly awakened when my jerk-face teenage brother started blasting the easy-listening sounds of Korn through my bedroom wall. It was so friggin' loud, I wet my favorite Pokemon pajamas and sheets. Then I discovered that my stinky teenage sister ate the last Pop-Tart, so I had to have Cream of Wheat for breakfast.

After getting pantsed on the bus for having the name "Francis," I finally got to school. In gym class, I was picked last for baseball, right after the kids from "special class" and the kid with the prosthetic leg were chosen. When I went to check out what Mom had packed for me in my lunchbox, I found an Armour Potted Meat sandwich, celery, and boiled cabbage. Then at recess, my soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend stood me up for a kid who can belch the entire alphabet.

After another pantsing on the bus ride home (this time for getting pantsed on the bus in the morning), I finally made it home. I figured that I could at least salvage the day with a nice cold glass of Kool-Aid. As it turned out, Mom wouldn't let my dad go to the neighborhood bar for a beer after he'd had a rough day himself, so he drank the last of the Kool-Aid. So Mom gave me V-8 juice instead. Talk about taking it up the pooper.

In conclusion, I quote the classic story Goodnight Moon: "Good night stars, goodnight air, hose Frankie Haskins everywhere."

The Daily Probe is updated every Tuesday
or whenever we damn well feel like it.

Copyright 2001-2004 / All Rights Reserved
No use allowed without prior permission.