ATLANTA (DPI) - Alaric the Visigoth, fifth-century sacker of Rome and CNN celebrity political analyst, today announced on the networks' Inside Politics program plans to put down what he described as a "womanly rebellion" by California Republicans. "Will those dogs never learn?" he asked rhetorically. "For 10 years, the Democratic horde has laid them low in every battle, spilling their entrails from the lowlands of the South to the mountains of the North. Yet they desire another taste of Democratic iron?"

The barbarian warlord condemned the recall effort against incumbent Democratic governor Gray Davis. "The Republican worms try to take by intrigue what they failed to win in open battle," he said. "But battle is what they shall find." He then pledged his full support to the fight to defeat the recall. "I myself shall go to the Golden Lands to aide Davis the Bland in slaughtering these babblers," said Alaric. "We shall rouse the fell Democratic Lords of Hollywood, and the sunburned hordes of Valley in the Center, and drive the womanish troublemakers into the sea. The sands shall be gooey with Republican entrails."

Asked if any of the Republican hopefuls, including specifically well-known action hero/social climber Arnold Schwarzenegger, concerned him, Alaric chuckled slowly, then clove the questioner neatly in half with one deft blow of his broadsword. "That lumbering Hun? He shall mourn the day he dared claim the name 'barbarian,' and beg for death before Davis the Colorless tires of his weeping and sets his head on a pike," he said.

Alaric emphasized the need to re-establish discipline within the Democratic rank and file by emitting a blood-curdling cry and shattering the news desk with his fist. "Bustamante the Traitor shall spend his last days flayed and staked out on the Capitol lawn, feeding the insects and crows," said Alaric. "Let his cries steel the resolve of others who may be weakened by Republican lies and gold."