CURRENT ISSUE 08/12/03 Front Page Weekly Features Advice from Strangers Ain't That America? To-Do List Alaric Musing with Mitch Moth's Diary News from Travistan Info Archives Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	Musing With Mitch   by Mitchell Kobriger   Ol' Mitch ain't runnin' for governor of nothing, so you folks can just quit asking. Still, when California inevitably sinks into the ocean, I'm gonna shed a tear or two for Fresno. I, for one, think Gary Coleman would make a great governor, and a better pope! If it were up to me, popcorn and peanut butter would have their own food groups. What is this great nation's greatest news and information publication? Why it's Pontoon Repair Weekly. Glad we dodged the bullet on that whole "nuclear winter" thing, but a "nuclear autumn" would have been nice, if you ask me. You can have my needle-nose pliers when you pry them from my cold, dead hands. At least O.J. didn't bet on baseball, I'll give him that much. Between drinking alcohol, having sex, or listening to music, Mitch chooses Frampton Comes Alive. I don't care if the thermometer reaches 120, electric fans are for wussies. Too bad the "name cars after nasty little fantasy creatures" fad stopped at Gremlins. I would have paid money to drive a Dodge Banshee. As far as food goes, flavor is highly overrated. I'm a texture man myself. One unexpected but easily understood side effect of my barber's handiwork: envy. One lesson we can all take from Kobe's experience: those in the public eye must be extremely careful about who they rape. Someone should come up with a slick ad campaign for beets, because man, those things are good.
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