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Advice from Strangers

This week's guest:
The Pet Psychic

Dear Pet Psychic,

I've been dating a man who at times shows signs that he may have a violent personality. How can I know for certain whether this guy is a potential disaster?

Unsure in Omaha

Dear UIO,

Your cat says that she's very happy having you as her friend, but that she'd love a bit more tuna. She claims you can be stingy with the good food. Let's see... she also apologizes for ignoring you, but she says there's only so much human interaction she can take before she needs some time to herself. Hmmm... oh, and she says that you might as well buy a mousetrap, because she thinks mice are absolutely disgusting and won't go anywhere near them. ...And please keep the baby away from the litter box because he keeps eating stuff from there and Fluffy finds it quite creepy.

The Pet Psychic

Dear Pet Psychic,

I borrowed my best friend's Rolex to impress a date, then left it in the restroom of a restaurant. Should I tell him, or try to replace it and hope he doesn't notice?

Timeless in Tempe

Dear TIT,

Let's see what your feathered friend is thinking... your parrot says that he's sick to death of the constant remarks about crackers. Hmmm... the dog seems to leer at him lasciviously when you're not looking, and that worries him. ...He also wants your daughter's boyfriend to know his name isn't Polly and that he has no interest in learning those kind of words.

The Pet Psychic

(Transcribed by Tristan Fabriani)

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