I'm Warning You, Dick Clark, Don't Point at Me...
HOLLYWOOD (DPI) - That's right, music
impresario-cum-mega-producer Dick Clark, you'd best
pull back that finger if you don't want to be pulling
back a bloody stump. Oh, now it's time for the
"innocent eyes" from Mister Ageless. Drop the act.
Quit representing, Homes. You know you come on strong
with those hands, waving them like a hypochondriac in
a West Nile mosquito swarm when you talk, and making
that little pinch-point with your thumb and forefinger
when you get to the funny part. Enough! Enough I
say! I get the joke WITHOUT your digital punctuation!
Deaf I am not, nor humor-challenged. Yes, you may
ask me to watch the next reel of rib-tickling
bloopers. But assault me not with your fevered
explanations of why they're funny. I won't lambaste
you for your winces and your fake hearty laughter,
either, if you simply pull back those emphatic mitts
of yours. Maybe you had to explain things to co-host
Ed McMahon. But he's not there with you anymore. I am
a patient man. I will grant you one more chance to
curb your riotous paws. After that, well,
point -- point if you dare -- point, I say, only at your
(Reported by Steve Meckleburg)
The Daily Probe is updated every Tuesday
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