CURRENT ISSUE 8/17/04 Front Page Weekly Features Ain't That America? Probe Interview McQuigly & Moss Moth's Diary Musing With Mitch Probe Poll Info Previous Issues Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	McQuigly and Moss     The Daily Probe will be sending reporters McQuigly and Moss to the Republican National Convention in New York City, where they will be sending back daily reports from August 29 through September 3. War Is Hell -- Let's Keep It that Way By Dirk McQuigly War is never pretty and it should never be that way. You'll never hear someone who's just seen Starship Troopers say, "You know, the movie was good and all, but it would've been a helluva lot better if the soldiers had triumphed over the aliens by giving them all a group hug." John Kerry's talk of introducing sensitivity into the war on terror or Iraq wouldn't work in a million light-years even if he had a wave of AT-ATs and suicide-trained stormtroopers at his disposal. Dick Cheney's 100 percent right on this one. It's ridiculous to believe we can end a war by being less brutal, more tolerant and more understanding. I've never trained as a soldier, served in a forward area or been forced to defend myself in a remote cabin in the woods from droves of undead creatures, but I can promise you the only way to win a war is to fight. For Kerry to think he could win any war through sensitivity is not only an insult to our intelligence, but a direct slap in the face to our troops who are giving up their lives to ensure our freedom. Like Mifune said in The Matrix Revolutions just before the machines broke through: "If we have to give these bastards our lives, we'll give them hell before we do." Incidentally, The Matrix Revolutions was also a direct slap in the face to my intelligence. Being Sensitive Makes Sense By Anna Moss So there seemed to be some controversy about a certain presidential candidate (okay, it was Kerry) using the word "sensitive" in remarks he made during a speech. Almost immediately, Vice President Dick Cheney said, and I'm paraphrasing, "No war was won by being sensitive." Two things are wrong here. Webster's defines "sensitive" as "delicately aware of the attitudes and feelings of others." Unless our policy in war is to kill and destroy everything in sight, then we must be sensitive. In reading Kerry's speech, his actual quote was: "I believe I can fight a more effective, more thoughtful, more strategic, more proactive, more sensitive war on terror that reaches out to other nations and brings them to our side." He was referring to a war on terrorism, not THE war we're fighting right now. That war is hopeless. Every time a superhero captures a villain, he (or she) doesn't beat the crap out of them, but treats them in a sensitive way, until he (or she) turns them over to the police (who then kick the crap out of him). If Kirk showed no sensitivity against the enemies he encounters, he'd kill them all, when in reality, more often than not Kirk restrains himself and things end peacefully. The perfect example is Duncan McCloud from the Clan McCloud. Sure, he takes other immortals' heads when he has to, but he is sensitive in that he tries to reason, tries to let things slide. After all his resources are gone, then he takes their heads (but only if they deserve it). So I do believe taken in context, Kerry was right in using the word "sensitive." I'm sorry I got so political. I guess the chance of possibly going to the Republican Convention has stirred something in me. (Transcribed by Danny Gallagher and Jeff Rabinowitz)
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