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Why Can't *I* Quit My Job to Sit Around
All Day and Smoke Pot Like Ricky Williams Did?

A guest Probeatorial by
Rodney Smeng

I mean what the fuck? Dude makes like a billion dollars a year and all he does is toke all fucking day. I could do that easy. My cousin got shot with a nail gun and he went on disability for two fucking years, all he did was reef up all fucking day. How the fuck do you get that gig? All I want is some university study or something to pay me to smoke ganj 24/7. Is that too much to fucking ask? Ricky fucking Williams, big fucking deal. Thinks he's so cool.

Well, he ain't! OK, maybe he is pretty cool but still, I don't see the big fucking deal. I could turn pro bowling if I wanted too, but it just seems like a big hassle or something. Like your life wouldn't even be your own anymore or anything, you'd just be like the "bowling guy" and you'd have to deal with groupies and an accountant and all that shit. Fuck that. Just give me a garbage bag full of weed, a million bucks, and a bunch of food and I'll be fucking just fine, thank you very much.

Ricky Williams. What a fucking chump, that's all I got to say about that. I bet he gets the really good weed too, the total kind fire. I bet pro bowlers get really good weed too. They should have a bowling tournament where the first prize is weed -- I'd fucking beat Ricky Williams' ass, that's for sure. Jerk.

(Transcribed by Mark Niebuhr)

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