CURRENT ISSUE 08/19/03 Front Page Weekly Features Advice From Strangers Ain't That America? Musing With Mitch Moth's Diary News From Travistan Info Archives Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	Musing With Mitch   by Mitchell Kobriger   If Larry Flynt is elected governor of California, I'm afraid I'll lose all respect for him. Don't try to outrun the police in a Gremlin. Trust me, it always ends badly, my friend. Why can't we ever build robots for good, not evil? I can't say why, but there's nothing that makes me laugh harder than a monkey with a hat on his butt. Idea! Somebody should invent a hair dryer that doubles as an electric shaver. One less thing to take on trips. The most useless bone in the entire human body has got to be the wish bone. Crew cuts are great up top, but don't ask your barber to give you one "downstairs" if you know what's good for you. When are scientists gonna figure out how to get all that salt out of the ocean water? When it comes to Bloody Marys, make mine extra spicy -- with anchovies. I wish I had a silent hetero partner-for-life like that Jay guy from "Clerks." There's this brown stain on my couch. Interesting side note: I've never made gravy. In a perfect world, ol' Mitch would be a balloon animal artist-in-residence. You're only clueless if there are no clues. At least that's what the men's room attendant says and trust me, he knows much. I like my cheeze with a "z," thanks all the same. You know what's cute? Babies.
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