CURRENT ISSUE 08/19/03 Front Page Weekly Features Advice From Strangers Ain't That America? Musing With Mitch Moth's Diary News From Travistan Info Archives Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	Elect Arnold, Fight Christ-Killing Freemasons A guest Probeatorial by Mel Gibson Let me tell you why you should vote for Arnold Schwarzenegger for governor. Arnold is a good Republican, unlike those liberal Hollywood elites. You do know who's behind the liberal Hollywood elite, don't you? The Freemasons. That's right, the 1,000-year-old secret society that has placed its members in positions of power around the world for reasons known only to 32d-rank Masons. I don't know if Gray Davis is a Mason, but you can bet his fundraisers are. And you know who's really behind the Masons, don't you? That's right, the mimes. Oh sure, you think mimes are just those annoyingly quiet flamers in white makeup, but it's not what the mimes say, it's what they don't say. All that so-called silence is just a cover to hide their plans for world domination. If they ever get out of those boxes, they will be unstoppable. Because you know who's behind the mimes, don't you? The CPAs. Oh sure, you think they're just a bunch of money-grubbing certified public accountants, but CPA really stands for Captors of Planet Adarand. That's right, this planet isn't even really called "Earth." That's just what the CPAs want you to believe. They're alien invaders who have planted mimes and Freemasons in key positions throughout human history to foil God's plan and install Christ-killing, liberal accountants as our alien overlords. So help me fight the Masons, mimes and CPAs, and elect Arnold Schwarzenegger governor. (Transcribed by Slick Sharkey)
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