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	News From Travistan The Daily Probe Reports from the Sovereign Apartment Nation of Travistan

Travistan Out of Scotch

TRAVAMABAD (DPI) - Due to high use during last week's impromptu, yet traditional, Friend Dave Visiting From Out of Town Week festivities, the nation of Travistan is completely out of scotch, according to Dictator and President-For-Life Travis. "Normally, scotch usage in the apartment-nation is kept to a minimum level, usually about two bottles per capita per year," said Travis, holding a cold case of Miller Lite while browsing the shelves at the Waikiki Liquor Mart for such labels as Dewar's, J&B and the "frou-frou" single malt, Glenfiddich. "This week just killed us though, since representatives of Dave's faction, including Dave's cousin Mike, snarfed down the nation's remaining three-quarters of a bottle of Cutty Sark in less than two nights." He added with a wink, "The hounds."

The complete replenishment of scotch supplies is pending confirmation with the United Kingdom of its reciprocal trade offer from the apartment-nation, and budget approval. According to government insiders, anti-Davist interests on the Travistani Finance Committee are mounting an effort to cut the nation's liquor budget in favor of a controversial "sparkling lime water initiative," which President Travis claims is funded by Fascists in the French soft-drink industry.

(Reported by Travis Ruetenik)