Alaric to Davis Campaign: "Go for the Knees"
SACRAMENTO, Calif. (DPI) - Recently arrived CNN celebrity and political analyst
Alaric the Visigoth met with embattled Gov. Gray Davis today to offer
support and advice as Davis attempts to weather the upcoming recall
election -- particularly the challenge presented by Austrian body-builder and
Planet Hollywood cofounder Arnold Schwarzenegger. "Davis the Slippery is
well-feared for his cunning in close combat, while this
lumbering Republican Hun is feared only by the ignorant," said Alaric. "Davis will easily
slay him if he goes for the knees."
The barbarian warlord advised Davis to use his advantage as an experienced
political insider to strike at Schwarzenegger. "Davis the Cunning should
fight Arnold the Pretty in close," Alaric said. He noted Davis' track
record in dirty campaigns. "Where a lesser man might quail, Davis is
unafraid to do battle eye to eye. A tall warrior must be deadly with the
long sword to keep his enemy at bay, or a warlord as fell and seasoned as
Davis will bring him quickly to the ground. This Hun is doomed."
Alaric also denounced Peter Ueberroth's calls for a clean and civil
"Those too weak to slaughter their enemies in open combat are quick to
denounce the battle," he said. "Ueberroth the Womanly should fall on his sword now,
before some more worthy barbarian sets his head on a pike as a trophy beside
by Ishmael Alighieri)