CURRENT ISSUE 08/26/03 Front Page Weekly Features Ain't That America? To-Do List Alaric Musing With Mitch Moth's Diary Info Archives Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	Home Depot Convinces Another Complete Idiot He Can Do It PUYALLUP, Wash. (DPI) - Staff at a local Home Depot have reportedly convinced local certified public accountant and hopeless idiot Sam Tattersall, 38, he has what it takes to install his new eight-person hot tub all by himself. Raising concerns in this tight-knit community is the prospect of the diminutive meat hammer having any hands-on involvement, whatsoever, with a job that involves 400 gallons of water and a 220 volt power supply. According to horrified witnesses, Tattersall was repeatedly encouraged by store staff to undertake the task even after he proudly and publicly recounted how he once fixed a troublesome gas leak in his basement using just duct-tape and no-wax dental floss. A spokesperson from Home Depot urged him on, saying, "It has always been and will continue to be our policy to empower customers with the feeling that they can do it themselves." In keeping with the spirit of this policy, he pointed out that Home Depot now requires all suppliers to include an area on their warranty cards for listing next of kin. (Reported by Brad Osberg)
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