CURRENT ISSUE 08/26/03 Front Page Weekly Features Ain't That America? To-Do List Alaric Musing With Mitch Moth's Diary Info Archives Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	Musing With Mitch   by Mitchell Kobriger   I don't like to brag, but I can make some pretty impressive shadow puppets with my private parts. Trust me on this one, gang: A few paper cuts are better than falling face-down naked into a pile of that pink insulation stuff. Did anybody ever figure out that darn Rubik's Cube? I wonder if Captain Kangaroo and Mr. Greenjeans ever got into a fistfight. My money would've been on the Captain. Call me old-fashioned, but I think Saturdays are made for whittling on the front porch. I'm no expert, but "tit for tat" seems like a fair trade. For the life of me, I can't figure out why Campbell's even bothers making Creme of Celery soup. Idea! Put milk into kegs and sell it to those frat boys in Utah. It could be that my belt is moving north or my nipples are moving south. Either way, convergence is looking good on ol' Mitch. Being married to quarterback Kurt Warner of the St. Louis Rams must be a lot like being married to my barber. You just have to sit back and bask in the glory. August always seem to be a slow month for hockey. It's been my experience that "buy one, get one free" dinners aren't worth as much when you're dining alone. Anyone know where a guy could get his hands on a Betamax copy of Rochelle, Rochelle: A Young Girl's Strange, Erotic Journey From Milan to Minsk? The key to lawn maintenance? Warm-up stretches, people. Warm-up stretches. What does a guy have to do around here to get some canned tuna with a little dolphin in it? Mitch's advice for the straight guy? More plaid and flannel.
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