Little League Players' Union Threatens Strike
SOUTH WILLIAMSPORT, Penn. (DPI) - In an announcement that has sent
shockwaves throughout small towns across America, the Little League Players'
Union (LLPU) has planned to strike if their demands are not met. As with
their Major League counterparts, the main disputes revolve around money and
perks. Billy Sorrenson, union representative for the Lynnville Astros,
voiced one main concern regarding team sponsors. "We're not asking for
much, but we'd just like a piece of the action. I mean, if I've got 'Danny'
s Auto Repair' advertised across the back of my jersey, I'm entitled to some
of the cash. Free shirts are nice and all, but I can't buy an X-Box with a
Concession stand profit-sharing is also a main area of debate. Manned with
volunteers, the concession stand has been doing a brisk business this year
thanks to strong soda sales during an unusually hot summer. But the players
have yet to see a cent. "I'm stuck out in right field, so I have plenty of
time to notice everything," said Hunter Coleman of the Lewistown Blue Jays.
"The dads are scarfing down hot dogs and I never see a mom without a
Snickers bar in her hand. Let's see how many Gobstoppers they sell once the
games are canceled!"
The youngsters' demands also include issues such as perks and
accommodations. "The post-game trip to the Dairy Queen has become totally
unacceptable," complained Tyler Ward of the Martinsville Dry Cleaners White
Sox. "No sprinkles allowed! I work hard out there on the field. I hit a
grounder to the pitcher and turned it into a home run after a couple of
misthrows. I deserve at least a Peanut Buster Parfait for that. And when
we have an 'away' game, we have to cram into cars and minivans, sometimes
for over an hour." Ward cited the time when his dad couldn't drive and he
had to sit on Jordan Stiles' lap for almost an hour, an experience he
Bench-warming has become a hot topic with demands being placed for more
playing time by even the most incompetent kids. Irving Goldstein, who only
gets to play when his team enjoys a 12-run lead, is asking for extra innings
and for six strikes when he is at bat. "There are still many issues to be
resolved," stated Austin Pruett, union leader of Little Leaguers Local 240.
"Many players are taking this opportunity to also ask for an increase in
allowance, later bedtimes, and one kid's trying for a dirtbike."
Many of the parents are concerned, but are not quite ready to give in to all
demands. "I just spent $700 on a new digital camcorder, and now I'll have
no games to record," said Charles Demming, parent of a disgruntled 2nd
As the players are poised to begin the strike, the real victims will be the
fans. Fathers will be unable to live vicariously through their sons,
mothers will be unable to catch up on the latest gossip and lonely perverts
will have to visit school playgrounds to stare at children. The local
economies also will suffer as powdered Lime-Ade sales will plummet and
raffle tickets and fund-raising candy bars will sit on the shelves. , "We
can only hope that while not playing baseball, many of the kids will take
up smoking," said Harvey Mason, mayor of one small town sure to be
financially affected. "We will need the revenue from cigarette taxes to
make up for the losses if Little League shuts down."
(Reported by Buddy Fisher)
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