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Daily Probe Movie Review
by Alice Higgins

Professor of Wymyn's Studies
University of Toronto

  My Big Fat Greek Wedding

Rating: 0 stars (out of 5)

I am not at all surprised to have to tell you, sisters, that this fecal log of a film is most likely the single greatest crime against wymyn this year. I am saddened, however, that this cinematic penis polish was created by a fellow countrywomyn.

Winnipeg-born Nia Vardolos wrote this suppository about her dysfunctional Greek family and their reaction to her engagement to a WASP pig (John Corbett). The family react with horror, and to be honest, I don't blame them. If I had ever made the mistake of letting rancid man-batter enter my womb, and the resulting offspring came home one day VOLUNTARILY wanting to submit to a filthy man for the rest of her life, I'd be angry too.

Of course, the film takes the position that despite the fact that Vardolos has spent 30 glorious years man-free, her life is empty without one. Indeed, her male chauvinist father (who rails against the education of wymyn ... the coward!) and the rest of her sperm-addicted relatives are positively pimping her out through most of the film, and in the end, she tragically relents and allows her life to be ruined by marrying some lout who will spend the rest of his days drunkenly jack-hammering his rancid penis into her in some sick version of "marital bliss."

There's nothing a man can offer a womyn (besides misery) that she cannot get from another womyn or -- as any 30-year-old womyn will tell you -- selected appliances whose batteries will no doubt last longer than the 90 seconds a man could offer her. This is nothing more than Ball-ywood once again trying to brainwash us into kow-towing to the will of the estrogen-challenged. Once again, my sisters, you have been warned!

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