Daily Probe Movie Review
by Alice Higgins
Professor of Wymyn's Studies
University of Toronto
My Big Fat Greek Wedding
Rating: 0 stars (out of 5)
I am not at all surprised to have to tell you, sisters, that this fecal
log of a film is most likely the single greatest crime against wymyn
this year. I am saddened, however, that this cinematic penis polish was
created by a fellow countrywomyn.
Winnipeg-born Nia Vardolos wrote this suppository about her
dysfunctional Greek family and their reaction to her engagement to a
WASP pig (John Corbett). The family react with horror, and to be honest,
I don't blame them. If I had ever made the mistake of letting rancid
man-batter enter my womb, and the resulting offspring came home one day
VOLUNTARILY wanting to submit to a filthy man for the rest of her life,
I'd be angry too.
Of course, the film takes the position that despite the fact that
Vardolos has spent 30 glorious years man-free, her life is empty without
one. Indeed, her male chauvinist father (who rails against the education
of wymyn ... the coward!) and the rest of her sperm-addicted relatives are
positively pimping her out through most of the film, and in the end, she
tragically relents and allows her life to be ruined by marrying some
lout who will spend the rest of his days drunkenly jack-hammering his
rancid penis into her in some sick version of "marital bliss."
There's nothing a man can offer a womyn (besides misery) that she cannot
get from another womyn or -- as any 30-year-old womyn will tell you --
selected appliances whose batteries will no doubt last longer than the
90 seconds a man could offer her. This is nothing more than Ball-ywood
once again trying to brainwash us into kow-towing to the will of the
estrogen-challenged. Once again, my sisters, you have been warned!