The Top 5 List The Daily Probe Ruminations Save Martha Stewart!






CURRENT ISSUE


8/27/02

Front Page

Weekly
Features

Ain't That America?

To-Do List:
Saddam Hussein


Moth's Diary

Movie Corner

Globetrotting
with Push



Info

Archives
Crap Shop
Who's at Fault?
Contact Us!



Aye, mateys!
Get you some
Daily Probe booty!




Daily Probe Movie Review
by Alice Higgins


Professor of Wymyn's Studies
University of Toronto



  My Big Fat Greek Wedding

Rating: 0 stars (out of 5)



I am not at all surprised to have to tell you, sisters, that this fecal log of a film is most likely the single greatest crime against wymyn this year. I am saddened, however, that this cinematic penis polish was created by a fellow countrywomyn.

Winnipeg-born Nia Vardolos wrote this suppository about her dysfunctional Greek family and their reaction to her engagement to a WASP pig (John Corbett). The family react with horror, and to be honest, I don't blame them. If I had ever made the mistake of letting rancid man-batter enter my womb, and the resulting offspring came home one day VOLUNTARILY wanting to submit to a filthy man for the rest of her life, I'd be angry too.

Of course, the film takes the position that despite the fact that Vardolos has spent 30 glorious years man-free, her life is empty without one. Indeed, her male chauvinist father (who rails against the education of wymyn ... the coward!) and the rest of her sperm-addicted relatives are positively pimping her out through most of the film, and in the end, she tragically relents and allows her life to be ruined by marrying some lout who will spend the rest of his days drunkenly jack-hammering his rancid penis into her in some sick version of "marital bliss."

There's nothing a man can offer a womyn (besides misery) that she cannot get from another womyn or -- as any 30-year-old womyn will tell you -- selected appliances whose batteries will no doubt last longer than the 90 seconds a man could offer her. This is nothing more than Ball-ywood once again trying to brainwash us into kow-towing to the will of the estrogen-challenged. Once again, my sisters, you have been warned!




The Daily Probe is updated every Tuesday
or whenever we damn well feel like it.

Copyright 2001-2004 / All Rights Reserved
No use allowed without prior permission.