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9/3/02

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President Travis
News from Travistan

The Daily Probe Reports from the
Sovereign Apartment Nation of Travistan



Travistan Accused of Supporting New Age Crap Movement

TRAVAMABAD (DPI) - Rumors are circulating throughout the apartment-nation of Travistan that the "New Age Frou-Frou Crap" movement is gaining support among members of the administration. Unnamed sources told the official state Al Traveera news service that President Travis himself has been partaking in reformist and clearly subversive activities such as meditation, incense burning and the requisition of embargoed government supplies from the Down To Earth Natural Foods co-op on King Street. Fueled by organic produce and freaky Celtic music, supporters of the growing New Age faction have been building their sphere of influence by gradually replacing the government-subsidized supply of Jim Beam and curly fries with lentils, carrot juice smoothies and yoga. The administration denies opponents' accusations that it has "gone all wussy" on its previously staunch position on Travistani cultural values, stating that the Vegan Act of last weekend is expected to be overturned in conjunction with 2-for-1 chili dogs Wednesday at Rainbow Diner.

(Reported by Travis Ruetenik)





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