Become a Radical Cleric in Weeks!
Just Ask Sauke al-Futali!
You are an Average Joe serving Allah faithfully at a low-level
cleric's position without even a decent word from your supervisor. And
despite your years on the job, you've never risen above middle cleric,
with senior cleric out of reach and radical cleric a mere pipe dream
(let's not even begin to talk about grand ayatollah!). Maybe once or twice
you lobbied for advancement by forming a band of insurgents to fight
against the Western infidel invaders and traitorous Iraqi police puppets.
Yet the numbers do not rally to your call and your insurgent army was a
mere rag-tag militia.
So for your efforts, you are promoted to rogue
cleric, rebel at most, which -- let's be polite here -- is a condescending
pat on the head reserved for those who command young children and misfits
shunned from Allah's vision. Yet everywhere you look you see clerics in
their 30s, like the young maverick Muqtada al-Sadr, promoted to radical
cleric while commanding armies and grandly negotiating with interim
illegitimate American slave governments.
It does to many of
us, including me,
Only six months ago I was a mere entry-level cleric. My "armies" were
mere handfuls of 14-year-old boys with outdated Soviet guns. But now I
have a certificate of radicalization and am guided by the hand of God. I
even command a squadron of 75 (yes, you read that right: 75!) suicide
bombers! So what do servants of Islam like me who climbed to the ranks to
senior and radical cleric have that you do not?
One word: CleriNetics. CleriNetics is the blending of aptitude
analysis, temperament examination, skill assessment, intelligence
testing and the will of Allah into occupational strength empowerment.
After a few short painless tests and a session with a CleriNetics
counselor, we can help choose the best cleric course of action tailored
uniquely for you. For example (using our patented technique of
CleriNeticism), if you are artistic and language-oriented (right-brained)
you may be best suited for inflaming the masses in the streets and writing
fiery treatises. A spatial-thinking (left-brained) cleric would find that
planning the logistics of assaults on the enemy of our people is the
preferred path to enlightenment.
Whatever your preferred avenue to
radicalize and punish the Plague Upon Our Soil, CleriNetics will find a
Allah and CleriNetics await!
Contact us TODAY!
(Translated by Davejames)
The Daily Probe is updated every Tuesday
or whenever we damn well feel like it.
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