CURRENT ISSUE 9/7/04 Front Page Weekly Features Ain't That America? Ask Zarxnol McQuigly & Moss Moth's Diary Musing With Mitch Probe Interview Probe Poll Info Previous Issues Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	(paid advertisment) Become a Radical Cleric in Weeks! Just Ask Sauke al-Futali! You are an Average Joe serving Allah faithfully at a low-level cleric's position without even a decent word from your supervisor. And despite your years on the job, you've never risen above middle cleric, with senior cleric out of reach and radical cleric a mere pipe dream (let's not even begin to talk about grand ayatollah!). Maybe once or twice you lobbied for advancement by forming a band of insurgents to fight against the Western infidel invaders and traitorous Iraqi police puppets. Yet the numbers do not rally to your call and your insurgent army was a mere rag-tag militia. So for your efforts, you are promoted to rogue cleric, rebel at most, which -- let's be polite here -- is a condescending pat on the head reserved for those who command young children and misfits shunned from Allah's vision. Yet everywhere you look you see clerics in their 30s, like the young maverick Muqtada al-Sadr, promoted to radical cleric while commanding armies and grandly negotiating with interim illegitimate American slave governments. Sound familiar? It does to many of us, including me, Sauke al-Futali. Only six months ago I was a mere entry-level cleric. My "armies" were mere handfuls of 14-year-old boys with outdated Soviet guns. But now I have a certificate of radicalization and am guided by the hand of God. I even command a squadron of 75 (yes, you read that right: 75!) suicide bombers! So what do servants of Islam like me who climbed to the ranks to senior and radical cleric have that you do not? One word: CleriNetics. CleriNetics is the blending of aptitude analysis, temperament examination, skill assessment, intelligence testing and the will of Allah into occupational strength empowerment. After a few short painless tests and a session with a CleriNetics counselor, we can help choose the best cleric course of action tailored uniquely for you. For example (using our patented technique of CleriNeticism), if you are artistic and language-oriented (right-brained) you may be best suited for inflaming the masses in the streets and writing fiery treatises. A spatial-thinking (left-brained) cleric would find that planning the logistics of assaults on the enemy of our people is the preferred path to enlightenment. Whatever your preferred avenue to radicalize and punish the Plague Upon Our Soil, CleriNetics will find a way! Allah and CleriNetics await! Contact us TODAY! 1-800-RADICAL (Translated by Davejames)
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