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Daily Probe Exclusive Interview
With Arnold van Heuten

Arnold van Heuten, political consultant on countless campaigns and author of Spin Your Way to the Top, sat down with the Daily Probe to discuss current hot topics.

Daily Probe: Welcome.

Arnold van Heuten: Thank you. I am glad you're pleased enough with my book that you're advising people to buy it.

DP: Advising people to buy it? Not exactly, we rarely endorse books outright. Occasionally, however, we do interview authors and allow them to talk about their work.

AvH: Well it has to be an endorsement of sorts, doesn't it? What if I had written Kill All Immigrants Because They Suck? Would you be interviewing me then?

DP: No because we can't support hate speech by airing it in our --

AvH: Ah, so there's that word "support" -- a synonym for "endorse," according to my Thesaurus. So if you are not supporting them and their works by omission from your forum, then you must be supporting me and mine by inclusion. I did hear the word "welcome," did I not? Therefore, I'm very glad you loved my book. It's available in all bookstores now.

DP: That's not at all what I... nevermind. We don't have much column space, let's move on.

AvH: Typical media bias, then.

DP: What?

AvH: I have much to say, you see. Your lack of space will force me to abbreviate from the larger context of my thoughts. You've taken me out of context before I've even uttered a word. Nothing anyone reads here can be trusted because of your obvious slant against the truth.

DP: Slant against the tru--?

AvH: It's simple, really. If everything I want to say is the whole truth, then saying part of what I want to say is a partial truth. You are editing me into half-truths. Media bias, clearly.

DP: Ignoring all of that, let's talk about why we brought you here: the swift boat controversy. In your opinion, which side, Senator Kerry or the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth, is deceiving the American public?

AvH: Probably both sides. For starters, I think you'll find the term "swift boat" is more of an accepted nickname than actual U.S. Naval nomenclature. Ever taken a lie detector test? The first thing they ask you to check your base response level is your name. Why? Because your name is a basic truth. So aren't nicknames then just a way of hiding, or diverting attention away from, real names, or basic truths? If John Fake-Medal Kerry and the Swift Boat Veterans for Nicknames and Lack of Truth are distracting us from accuracy in such little ways, how can we trust any of them on the big picture? Besides, how can we be sure there even was a Vietnam? Have you personally seen it? I mean, actually seen it up close?

DP: I think we're done here. Thank you Mr. van Heuten for your time.

(Transcribed by Davejames)

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