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9/7/04

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You People Are Mad If You Think
Vader Couldn't Take the Borg Queen


A guest Probeatorial by
Walter Sennheiser




Being a patient man, for years I've read the buzz on Internet boards and have withheld comment. But with Star Wars: Episode III in the works, the crazy talk has begun again and this time it's gone too far. Allow me to say it once and for all: You people are mad if you think Darth Vader couldn't defeat the Borg Queen.

Let's sidestep the messy continuity and logic issues the very existence of a Borg Queen raises in your sloppily patched together canon-be-damned Star Trek universe for a moment. Any person stopped on the street would laugh heartily at the concept of a locus of the Borg collective harnessing and guiding a hive mind while remaining unique in personality and having the concept of individuality ­- particularly as the Borg was first conceived in Next Generation episode 142 (Q Who?), which clearly doesn't allow for the existence of such an individual. And we will put aside your inevitable smoke-and-mirror semantic dance that will try to cloud the issue by noting if one queen is destroyed, the collective will create another in her place complete with memories and personality of the former (which, again, I may add, flies in the face of your illogical queen-as-individual argument, does it not?).

What is laughable to all is that his very title, Darth Vader, Dark Lord of the Sith, should have ended the argument years ago. Even my dog, who is so dumb he eats his own poop, knows the task of hunting down and destroying the last remaining Jedi is a charge incomparably harder than merely defeating a cybernetic hybrid of a woman already tricked by the clichéd deception of Commander Data in Star Trek: First Contact and the muddled bog-like mind of Captain Janeway in an embarrassing number of episodes. Even without the power of the force or mind tricks (and don't give me any of that "Sith mind control dispersed by the Queen into the consciousness of the collective becomes too diffuse to hold any sway" nonsense, because even your grandmother knows better) Vader would make quick work of her. And let us not forget, Vader is as much machine as man, so he has a unique insight into your precious Borg ­- better to defeat their leader.

But to end this, let me boil it down to terms that anyone could understand. Which is harder: Beating a queen of a collective too stupid to get past Picard or, much worse, Janeway? Or throwing Emperor Palpatine, supreme ruler and master of the force down a bottomless reactor shaft? I thought so.


(Transcribed by Davejames)





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