CURRENT ISSUE 9/10/02 Front Page Weekly Features Advice from Strangers Ain't That America? To-Do List: American Idol Contestants Moth's Diary News from Travistan Movie Corner Globetrotting with Push Info Archives Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	"Rect-isserie" Green Cooker a Hit With Sustainable Development Advocates OLYMPIA, Wash. (DPI) - The smell of slow-cooking rice and tofu casserole, with the merest hint of methane, fills the wooden A-frame as Arsinee McGough eagerly sets the table for her guests. She will serve them the casserole and a gently picked green salad, along with sunflower bread twisted into peace signs -- a normal meal here at the Redwood Collective, home to McGough and 7 other men and women who are trying to reduce their personal impact on the environment. However, the uninitiated eye would be surprised at her method of serving the casserole: As her guests hold their plates under her upended bottom, she excretes it with a practiced anal/rectal gesture. She is using a new Ronco version of the internal cooker, labeled the Rect-isserie, the homemade version of which has been popular among environmental activists and macrobiotic cooks since the mid-'70s. "The hardest part is shoving the one-gallon cooking sack far enough to reach the core body heat" she explains. Once there, it remains for up to 12 hours, cooking slowly using only body heat. Arsinee has not excreted anything but hot, home-cooked food from her anal orifice since 1984, relying on twice-weekly oral purgings to rid her body of the byproducts of digestion. "I'm so happy to be able to continue to be a natural food provider for the collective ever since my teats dried up after Little Ray left for college." Leon Redbear, a latecomer to the meal, sidles up to the table and takes in the scene. The table full of hairy men and patchouli-soaked women tenses in anticipation of the traditional collective jape. "Hey, what's this shit we're all eating tonight?" he inevitably bellows, to gales of sun-drenched laughter from the group. He eagerly offers up his plate as McGough's eyes cross in concentration. Ronco expects the first infomercial for the Rect-isserie to hit the airwaves in early 2003, with an early focus on fetish porn stations. (Reported by Brian Jones)
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