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9/10/02 Front Page Features Advice from Strangers Ain't That America? To-Do List: American Idol Contestants Moth's Diary News from Travistan Movie Corner Globetrotting with Push Info Archives Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! |
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Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty! 
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Globetrotting with Push With your host, Raji "Push" Pushparajah |
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Shaoshi Mountain, China Little did this naive traveler realize that the transcendence of the moment was only fleeting. After relieving myself in what I believed to be the temple's ancient yet meditative washroom and drying my fingers with a magnificently embroidered handtowel, I was informed that I had desecrated a 14th-century porcelain ritual cleansing bowl and a Xiawen Dynasty tapestry. The 30-some kung fu master monks then provided me with a thorough demonstration of all 18 Shaolin martial arts. Even while losing consciousness, I could appreciate the masters' painstakingly accurate high kicks, echoing the Shaolin philosophy that "When lifting the leg, it should be as light as a feather, and when kicking, the leg should be as heavy as Mount Tai." I was also introduced to the use of ancient weapons such as the broadsword, chained iron balls, and the dharma staff, all of which provided great insight as to the excruciating pain that must have been doled out to their enemies over the centuries. Kudos are in order for the staff of the Shaoshi Mountain Medical Facility, whose efficient administrators confirmed that my body cast and intensive-care services were covered by my HMO, and whose nurses lovingly pureed my mu shu pork. |