CURRENT ISSUE 9/10/02 Front Page Weekly Features Advice from Strangers Ain't That America? To-Do List: American Idol Contestants Moth's Diary News from Travistan Movie Corner Globetrotting with Push Info Archives Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	Rapper Admits to Having "No Talent Whatsoever" LOS ANGELES (DPI) - West-coast rapper "Notorious Ness T. Plunge" came out today in a tear-filled press conference to confess that he actually has no musical talent at all. "It be time for Ness to fess," said Plunge. "The millions I'm makin' off of dis is a scam. I mean, I ain't even singin'! I just be talkin' in da mike and bustin' a rhyme here and there. All da while, talented singers like Kenny Loggins and Michael Bolton don't ever get the props they deserve." With a string of hits such as "Don't Make Me Slap You," "Yo Mamma's Pudding" and the award-winning "Ho Wants Some Mo," Notorious Ness T. Plunge seemed to have it all. But at a recent concert in Detroit when he was unable come up with a rhyme for the line, "Itch to luck", Notorious knew he couldn't keep up the charade. "I wanna give a shout out to all my peeps who bought my music, came to my concerts, and serviced me backstage, know what I'm sayin'. I'm dedicatin' my second mansion to you," proclaimed Ness. When asked if this meant he would be stepping out of the limelight, he responded, "You out yo fuckin' mind? I gots money, fame, women, a guest spot comin' up on The Bernie Mac show. Just 'cause I ain't got talent don't mean I can't buy yo' white ass if I wanted to. I'm gonna ride this gravy train longer than Vanilla Ice!" The talentless rapper kicks off his new tour in Boise, promoting his soon-to-be-released CD, "Where All Da Daddys?" (Reported by Buddy Fisher)
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