September 14, 2005
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Today's News
Katrina Response: Bush Sends Troops to Atlantic Ocean
WASHINGTON (DPI) — President Bush today deployed 40,000 soldiers to the middle of the Atlantic Ocean in response to the events of 8/29. "We're gonna fight these storms over there so we don't have to fight 'em here," said Bush. The president has called for "regime change" for bodies of water that harbor tropical depressions, which he termed WMD: weather of mass destruction. The president also urged Americans not to seek revenge, adding "Most Katrinas are peace-loving. I went to school with a Katrina and I still consider her my friend." Mexico, Cuba, Haiti, Honduras, and the Dominican Republic were also expected to contribute resources to what the president called "the coalition of the damp."
(Reported by Bill Muse)
Third World Sees New Orleans Chaos, Shrugs
PORT-AU-PRINCE, Haiti (DPI) — As the devastation and social chaos left in the wake of Hurricane Katrina continue to be broadcast around the globe, much of the world is responding with a sigh of recognition. "Oppressive heat, no electricity, no running water, isolation from the developed world, lawless gunmen in control, feces and corpses piled on the sidewalks — yeah, that sounds about right," said Henri Critianne, a lifelong resident of Haiti's capital. Critianne acknowledged that New Orleans is a lot more flooded than Haiti, thus his heart goes out to those New Orleanians who suffer from mold and mildew allergies.
(Reported by Carl Knorr)