CURRENT ISSUE 9/14/04 Front Page Weekly Features Ain't That America? Ask Zarxnol McQuigly & Moss Musing With Mitch Probe Interview Probe Poll Info Previous Issues Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	McQuigly and Moss     Just Like Everything, We Created the Internet and We Destroyed It By Dirk McQuigly Thirty-five years ago last week, an engineering lab at UCLA made one of the three biggest breakthroughs in technology, along with the tricorder and the lightsaber. The Internet has made communication faster, more streamlined and more efficient than a human being has ever dared to dream, both for connecting with the world and accessing information. It's something that could very well eliminate books and libraries without having them burned down by law like in Fahrenheit 451. But, just like Agent Smith said in The Matrix, humans are a virus. We take over something, consume all of its resources until it is absolutely worthless and then abandon it when it no longer suits our needs. The Internet fits that ideal like the chainsaw strapped to Ash's left nub. The Internet was this perfect thing that we could've used as a force for good in this world. Instead, the evil empire got their money stained mitts on it and turned into the mother of all Death Stars. It is filled with pornography, weapons instructions and bomb-making recipes, left wide out in the open for anyone to access. Additionally, it has opened more intrusions on our federally protected privacy than the McCarthy hearings, the Patriot Act and the video screens in 1984 combined. There's still time to turn the Internet around to serve the will of the people. Yeah, and maybe I'm a Chinese jet pilot. The Internet Is Here, Don't Be Afraid to Use It By Anna Moss There are only three holidays I celebrate each year. Christmas, Easter and the day Star Trek first aired on TV. I also celebrate my birthday, which is 9/11 ... oh, joy. But there is another birthday I want to talk about. On Sept. 2, 1969, UCLA professor Len Kleinrock and some grad students linked two bulky computers using a 15-foot gray cable, testing a new way for exchanging data. Happy birthday, Internet! Wow, 35 years since the beginning of the technology that changed mankind forever. Life without the Internet would be like Vulcans without logic, a Jedi without the Force, Picard with a toupee. I could go on praising the Internet for days. At first, I used it mainly for e-mail. I know some people use it as a dating service, but I think I scare guys off because I come off as such a geek. I never know what to say unless it's a conversation about something alien-related. But the advantages of the Internet are obvious. I belong to so many chat groups. Star Trek, Chess Chat, the Intergalactic Believers of Aliens and so many more. I also use the Internet for information about the various conventions I attend. And if I miss an episode of Andromeda, I can read about it on the net. I can get info on all of my favorite sci-fi shows: cast members, memorable quotes (even in Klingon!), etc. The Internet is just going to grow and grow, like the fungus on planet Batular. I welcome this growth, and I will continue to use the net the 16 hours a day I do now. (Transcribed by Danny Gallagher and Jeff Rabinowitz)
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