CURRENT ISSUE 9/14/04 Front Page Weekly Features Ain't That America? Ask Zarxnol McQuigly & Moss Musing With Mitch Probe Interview Probe Poll Info Previous Issues Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	I Am Morally Obligated to Nail Your Wife A guest Probeatorial by Larry "The Liberator" Harris Phil, as the resident of the apartment adjoining yours, I must declare outright that action must be taken to correct an egregious wrong, and I am the man who must take it. Your wife, in the 18 months since you moved in next door, has yet to scream out your name, breathlessly utter an "Oh, God!," even so much as voice a perfunctory "Do me, Baby!" that could be heard through these paper-thin walls. This will not stand…your wife must be sexually liberated! Your wife has suffered the tyranny of the 30-second grunt-grunt-squirt sessions from your trouser toothpick long enough. A woman as fine-looking and hard-bodied as she deserves the best, most thorough and most satisfying deep-dicking the world has to offer. Since I have the best trained, most powerful and most talented cock known to womankind, it is my moral obligation to totally nail your wife. Unless I hear your wife moaning in complete ecstasy in the next 48 hours, I will take in upon myself to enter your apartment in order to bang the screaming bejeezus out of your sexy wife at precisely 8 pm on Thursday. All forecasts suggest that during and after Operation Fuck the Taste Out of Phil's Wife's Mouth that the now-oppressed party will sing my name, quiver in uncontrollable orgiastic bliss, make animal sounds you didn't know she was capable of doing, and beg me to roll her over at least twice so she can have both major ports thoroughly and repetitively liberated. Rest assured I have no interest in long-term occupation. It is the duty of my massive and unparalleled cock to maintain your wife's sexual ecstasy levels only until you are capable of sufficiently rocking her world yourself. I will train you if necessary in all effective clit-pumping and tunnel-moistening techniques specifically tailored to your wife's sexual terrain, then turn over full sovereignty to your genital council. Besides, the hottie that limpdick Bob Daniels in 7B just started seeing should be ripe for liberation in a couple months. (Transcribed by Carl Knorr)
The Daily Probe is updated every Tuesday or whenever we damn well feel like it. Copyright 2001-2004 / All Rights Reserved No use allowed without prior permission.