The Top 5 List The Daily Probe Ruminations Save Martha Stewart!






CURRENT ISSUE


9/16/03

Front Page

Weekly
Features

Advice From Strangers

Ain't That America?

Moth's Diary

Musing With Mitch

To-Do List

Info

Previous Issues
Crap Shop
Who's at Fault?
Contact Us!



Aye, mateys!
Get you some
Daily Probe booty!




Food Drive for the Poor Creates
Rare Cupboard-Clearing Opportunity



DELLING, Ind. (DPI) - When two members of the Sacred Heart Methodist Church came to Frank Grogan's door, he had no idea opportunity was knocking. In the process of collecting food for the poor, the volunteers gave Frank a chance to clear his cupboards of years' worth of canned goods that had no chance of being opened in the Grogan household.

"It was like someone cleaning my house for free," said Grogan. "I unloaded some canned beets from '94, cream of cabbage soup, lima beans. They took it all, even the artichoke hearts in clam sauce. Apparently the poor will eat anything."

Each year, parishioners of Sacred Heart collect for the local food bank to help families who are down on their luck. They accept all non-perishable donations, but even they are reaching their limits. "I've just about taken my last can of no-name-brand pickled okra," said volunteer Sandy Adams. "It's bad enough that people are poor and hungry, but this is just insult to injury. I don't care how destitute you get, you shouldn't have to eat Spaghetti-O's with the little hot dog slices that someone has kept since Reagan's first term."

But for Grogan, the volunteer effort is a windfall. "I was even able to unload all our 'mystery cans' we've had for years," he said. The Grogans had several cans without labels ever since their daughter's second-grade class collected Campbell's soup labels to redeem for sports equipment for the school. "She went a little overboard with the label-collecting, and we ended up with a bunch of unmarked cans. I got tired of opening up zucchini squash when I thought I had chicken noodle. But we're proud of her," said Grogan. "She's a junior in high school now."

Grogan just kept giving. "It felt really good to know that I was helping my fellow man," he said. "The volunteers told me I would be blessed for my generosity, although I can't imagine God blessing me for giving away strained-yam pie filling. What the hell was I thinking when I bought that?"

Even now that Grogan's cupboards have been cleared, he plans to continue his altruistic ways. "If I can just find some poor people who need my broken lawnmower, burnt-out Curtis Mathes TV, and several strings of non-working Christmas lights, I'll be all set."


(Reported by Buddy Fisher)



The Daily Probe is updated every Tuesday
or whenever we damn well feel like it.

Copyright 2001-2004 / All Rights Reserved
No use allowed without prior permission.