The Top 5 List The Daily Probe Ruminations Save Martha Stewart!



Front Page


Advice From Strangers

Ain't That America?

Moth's Diary

Musing With Mitch

To-Do List


Previous Issues
Crap Shop
Who's at Fault?
Contact Us!

Aye, mateys!
Get you some
Daily Probe booty!

North Korea Issues Price List for
Pretend Acts of Cooperation and Openness

PYONGYANG, North Korea (DPI) - After the revelation that the 2000 "Sunshine" meetings between the presidents of North Korea and South Korea resulted from a massive South Korean bribe and did not in fact signal a change in the North's belligerent stance, North Korean officials have issued a list of standardized prices for pretend acts of openness and cooperation. "The price of a presidential meeting on North Korean soil with simulated open, cooperative and sane behavior remains at $200 million," said one official. "But don't expect us to throw in those family-reunion photo ops next time. That was a one-time deal-sweetener." The list price for allowing brief reunions of families separated by the Demilitarized Zone is $5 million per family. The official was quick to add that, for that price, "North Korea is willing to briefly pretend to give a shit about the millions of Korean families" separated by the North's totalitarian practices.

The prices for other phony gestures of rationality ranged from $1 million for "agreeing to omit calls for the destruction of the United States from a presidential speech" to $1 billion for "pretending to back off from a virulently confrontational military stance for a month" -- which, the brochure added, "is very valuable around election time."

Regarding pretending to back off from the threat of nuclear war, the official merely chuckled and said, "Oh, add a zero, for starters. And our revered leader (North Korean President) Kim has a butt cheek each for the imperialist dogs (U.s. President George) Bush and (South Korean President) Roh Moo-hyun -- so they should be prepared to pucker up."

(Reported by Ishmael Alighieri)

The Daily Probe is updated every Tuesday
or whenever we damn well feel like it.

Copyright 2001-2004 / All Rights Reserved
No use allowed without prior permission.