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9/17/02

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New Klan Guy Won't Stop Talking About Race


ATLANTA (DPI) - New member Virgil Coffer won't stop talking about race, Atlanta Ku Klux Klan sources revealed today. "While we all believe in the White Race's supremacy, yada, yada yada, we do like to put the job behind and enjoy American Idol like every one else," said an unnamed source. "But not Virgil. He's harping so loudly that [mixed heritage contestant Justin Guarini] should call Al Sharpton when he lost that we couldn't hear that funny Ford Focus skit." And members are still angry about Coffer's blocking of the television during Halle Berry's Oscar win last spring. "He was doing his usual blah blahing about race, but we were like, 'Dude, you never block Halle Berry, especially when she's so discombobulated that something might fall out of her dress,'" said another source.

Klan members also note that it has affected Coffer's sense of of fun. "With other members, you can sit around and have a beer while watching [NBA's Los Angeles] Lakers play. Stupid Virgil wants us to watch a bunch of Canadians skate around instead because the sport is almost all 'pure,'" said a senior Klanner. "I'll tell you what, there's nothing more pure than watching [Lakers player Shaquille O'Neal] slam one down."

Although members will not say so openly, many feel Coffer's attitude toward race may get him swept out in the membership's next downsizing. "It's just tough on members to have some guy always taking the fun out of being a Klan member by talking about this race and that religion all the time," explained one chapter officer. "I mean, its not like we're Nazis. Besides, I don't think one of us can stand to hear that 'Help me find Africa-America on the map' joke one more damn time."



(Reported by Davejames, Graphic by Brandon Carr)



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