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9/17/02

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President Travis
News from Travistan

The Daily Probe Reports from the
Sovereign Apartment Nation of Travistan


Experts Predict End of Holistic Age in Travistan

TRAVAMABAD (DPI) - Leading sociologists this week pointed to evidence that the "New Age" era in Travistan will soon begin to crumple under its own weight. Citing two incidents of Jack-In-The-Box wrappers found under the car seat and the unofficial statement last week by Dictator and President-For-Life Travis that "yoga chaps my ass," experts agree that internal strife will prevent the nation from achieving the state of "peaceful, cosmic enlightenment" promised on the box of scented votive candles purchased by the apartment-nation last week. Citizens can expect to soon throw off their hemp clothing and return to traditional Travistani activities such as belching and yelling loudly at the television.

(Reported by Travis Ruetenik)


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