CURRENT ISSUE 9/17/02 Front Page Weekly Features Advice from Strangers Ain't That America? To-Do List: Bill Gates Moth's Diary News from Travistan Movie Corner Globetrotting with Push Info Archives Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	Identical Twins Forget Which is Which MINNEAPOLIS (DPI) - Candy and Mandy Thompson have a dilemma on their hands. Somewhere along the line, the twin sisters forgot who was who. From birth, their parents and extended family found it impossible to distinguish the two apart, but for the last several years, even Candy and Mandy have lost track of their true identity. "We just, like, sort of forgot," explained one of the confused clones. "One night we were drinking, like, sooo much beer at Brad's party and my sister introduced herself as 'Mandy' to this cute guy. I didn't know if she was wrong or if I just had too much Coors Light, but I thought I was Mandy. Our friends at the party couldn't remember either, cause they were wasted by then. We argued a little bit, then we laughed so hard I almost peed my pants. So we both dated that cute guy for a couple months, but I can't remember his name either." The carbon-copy couple have no distinguishing characteristics such as a birthmark or scar to set them apart. "I burned my neck on a curling iron a few years ago, but unfortunately it healed," said one of the dumbfounded duo. The problem is compounded by the fact that they share a room and all of their clothes are also identical. "Would it have killed mom and dad to have bought us completely different gifts once in a while?" asked one of the two. "We always have to open our presents at the same time because the gifts are the same. It's so lame. And now we have nothing to tell ourselves apart. We have some different CDs, but I can't remember if the CDs I don't like are because they belong to my sister, or if I've just gotten tired of listening to them." The sisters have a long history of playing tricks on teachers and friends by switching places and pretending to be each other, but now the joke is on them. "The school year was just starting, so I decided to take 'Candy's' classes. I'm in second-year French and I don't remember any of this stuff. And this total loser guy in class keeps acting like he knows me so well. What's his problem?" The other sister voiced similar complaints about her band class. "I guess I should have practiced the flute more over the summer cause I really stink at it. I didn't even know I owned a flute." If the true identity can not be determined by the end of the semester, their father will flip a coin and assign the name "Mandy" to whoever picks "heads," followed by an immediate trip to the tattoo parlor for one of the twins. "I don't really care which name I get," said the frustrated flutist. "Mandy is 45 minutes older, so that's cool, but 'Candy' comes first alphabetically, I think." (Reported by Buddy Fisher)
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