CURRENT ISSUE 9/24/02 Front Page Weekly Features Advice from Strangers Ain't That America? To-Do List: Taco Bell Chihuahua Moth's Diary News from Travistan Movie Corner Info Archives Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	Personality Test Reveals Man as "Intuitive Asshole" MUSKEGON, Mich. (DPI) - A Myers-Briggs personality assessment test administered to Muskegon's Nathan Fitz revealed the 34-year-old banker to be an "extroverted, intuitive-thinking asshole," the testing center said today. "Firm and directive, Fitz prefers to make decisions based on clear hard facts, and he uses his intuitive mentality to develop creative new ways to get on everyone's bloody nerves," read the test result. Fitz underwent the test during a planned change of career and possible return to graduate school. According to psychologist Theresa Long, Fitz' results are not uncommon. "As much as 8 percent of the population tested returns either sensory- or perceiving-type asshole results, with a 2- or 3-percent subgroup of introverted judging cocksuckers, usually concentrated in executive management positions." Long said Fitz' responses on the 64-question test indicate that he is best when he's in an atmosphere of loose structure, very clear expectations and merit-based advancement, where he has opportunities to interact with, and fuck over, like-minded assholes. "Fitz is a go-getter and a naturally inventive solution-maker, which really gives him pleasure in pulling through that extra sale or giving that final twist of the knife in the back of sensory-feeler types," she said. "This guy's a serious twat." The report suggests that Fitz and other like-minded fuckoffs often succeed as attorneys, bankers, electronics salesmen and DMV clerks. (Reported by Travis Ruetenik)
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