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Oh Great, Who the Fuck Can I Blame This On?

A guest Probeatorial by
Joseph Smith

I won't tell you who I work for; doesn't fucking matter. All that matters is it's my job to find someone (or something) in the past to blame for this recent headline: Weapons and Explosives Pass Through Inspections at 15 Airports.

Jesus H. Christ, let's take a fucking gander at reality, "Hey senator, I've got a lower bid over here who's willing to whore out our national security! Yay!" I mean for fuck's sake, you take a bunch a people who are already slow and questionable and then make them federal employees! That's like locking your neighborhood crack addict in a liquor store to sober him up.

So, who to blame? Clinton's always a good target, but his heart surgery gives him the sympathy vote, and besides he is not "distant past." (I get a sweet bonus if I can successfully blame anyone before Reagan.) Let's face it, that pussy Carter's probably involved, but it's a little too obvious. So this time I'm pinning it on Eisenhower. That S.O.B. Ike always gets ignored when they're dishing out the blame. As if those eight years between "asshole atom-bomber Truman" and "womanizing Bay-of-Pigs Kennedy" were some kind of fucking utopia. Anyway, here's my angle: When Eisenhower created the Interstate Freeway system, he set the stage for the Federal, and inept, control of all transportation.

Thanks a lot, Ike. You fucking handed America to the terrorists.

(Transcribed by Otis Garcia)

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