CURRENT ISSUE 9/30/03 Front Page Weekly Features Advice From Strangers Ain't That America? Riding Shotgun With Adventure Musing With Mitch Moth's Diary News From Travistan Info Previous Issues Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	Friday 19th September It warms the cockles of the heart to learn that "illusionist" David Blaine is now considered on the Continent to be the proverbial horsefly in the Port-o-Potty, the way we feel about the Rev. Al Sharpton, except without the love. He has also begun to draw the murderous ire of Londoners since my last diary entry on the subject, as they have tried to sever his water pipe and shake him silly, abusing him roundly, and one does fear for the environmental damage that would likely be done to the already limping Thames should the natives bring things to the next logical step and take over the controls of the crane that hold Blaine's Plexiglas box in the air and cut him loose altogether. The amount of foecal waste, uric acid and methane gas by-products currently kept in his box boggle the mind and it wouldn't be a stretch to conclude that the endangered Thames catfish would probably snuff it and go white-belly-up with a shocking finality within twenty minutes of the splash. Probably the only safe way to lethally end this carpetbagger's stay would be to fire a rocket-propelled grenade at the suspended box. The resulting flame would scorch the bacteria and acids and gases before it hit the water and everyone -- the environmentalists, the affronted Brits -- would find it a win/win. I think that settles that.
The Daily Probe is updated every Tuesday or whenever we damn well feel like it. Copyright 2001-2004 / All Rights Reserved No use allowed without prior permission.