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10/1/02

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Advice from Strangers


This week's guest:
Godzilla



Dear Godzilla,

I am a very productive worker at an advertising firm, but I'm a bit shy, so I am getting passed up for promotions by people with lesser work skills who are better self promoters. What should I do?

Shy in Salem


Dear Shy,

When you look at my success, you would think that I was born King of the Monsters. But when I started I was much like you. Businesslike, I would emerge from the water, crush a few hundred people, smash a handful of buildings, and go back to collect my check. Meanwhile, flashier monsters like Ghirdrah with his three heads, and Mothra, who actually carried around a small PR team that literally sang his praises, were getting all the buzz on Monster Island. It wasn't until I called attention to myself by unleashing a little radioactive fire on innocents and made that extra effort to crush the Japanese air force with the press around that I got my due. Also, as a monster, I have the advantage of being able to battle my office competitors to the death. In most workplaces, this is not a recommended strategy, but calling attention to your worthwhile work is.



Dear Godzilla,

I have been going after the same boy for weeks. But now this cheerleader, Cindy, is always around and every boy does nothing but talk to her! And now I can tell she is trying to work me out of the picture with this boy. Help, Godzilla!

Had it in High School


Dear High School,

I've been in similar position to yours. Except in place of Cindy were scheming aliens, and instead of the affections of a mate, the goal was world domination. They even had the gall to send a bionic version of me - MechaGodzilla - to take me out of the picture. It was a good plan in theory, but I, of course, battled the monster to the death. Cindy's no Godzilla, so perhaps try the MechaCindy approach. Find out what it is about her the boys like, and just do it better. It may not be a politically correct answer, but hell, I'm basically a dinosaur if you think about it anyway. And the MechaCindy approach will be far easier than the obvious choice -- battling her to the death.



(Transcribed by Davejames)




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