CURRENT ISSUE 10/1/02 Front Page Weekly Features Advice from Strangers Ain't That America? To-Do List: Randy Moss Moth's Diary News from Travistan Movie Corner Globetrotting with Push Info Archives Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	Daily Probe Movie Review by Alice Higgins Professor of Wymyn's Studies University of Toronto A note to my sisters: For the next four weeks, we will be featuring four of my potential interns. Since I cannot bear the thought of sitting in a room with these barely-pubescent "men" in order to interview them, I have ordered the four finalists to complete reviews for me. This will not only give me a window into their character (what little character a man can possess!) but it also will give me a nice sabbatical to prepare for the coming semester, when, for the first time, I will have to deal with having disgusting penis-bearers in my classes. Lilith help me. Feel free to send me whatever feedback you deem necessary, as this will assist me in not having to read these wretched compositions.   Moonlight Mile By Steve Dunn, Communications Major Rating: I dunno. Like, 2 stars, I guess. Okay, so I saw that flick and I guess I have to review it or some shit. Whatever. Okay, so Moonlight Mile stars that Rain Man dude (who's cool, I guess) and that Dead Man Walking nun chick (which was okay but depressing as fuck) and Bubble Boy (which sucked the hair off of a bear's sac). And, like, I guess Bubble Boy's fiancee or something gets killed, and Rain Man and the nun are her parents, and they, like, have to deal with it and shit. I dunno. It was okay I guess. I mean, I guess it's kind of a drag what with that chick dying and shit, but I guess they kind of deal with it pretty well and stuff, so you know, that's cool. But it's kind of all depressing and shit. A bunch of chicks and a couple of wiener dudes were all crying and being total choads, and I was all like, "Guys, man, grow a pair." I mean shit, man. So Professor Higgins wants me to all talk about how it made me feel and shit, I guess. I dunno. I guess I was kind of depressed and shit, but I was also pretty fucking bored. This is one of those flicks that you, like, rent when you're watching videos with your mom and shit, and you want her to go to bed so you can put the violent flicks on. And for people who were all depressed and shit, they sure talked a fuck of a lot. They were all, like, "Yap yap yap I love you like a son" and shit which is all bogus and shit. And speaking of talking, that Piano chick was in it and was, like, a lawyer or something. And you know, I guess she was cool in the Piano movie 'cause she never said anything, but in this one it's like she never shuts up, and she's got this total hick accent which would just annoy the piss out of me if I was a judge and shit, so she wasn't all that believable I guess. I dunno. I guess you could see this if you wanted to score a hummer from your girlfriend or something, but otherwise it's pretty goddamn dull. I think Professor Higgins is going to, like, shit herself when she reads that I said "hummer" 'cause she's all uptight and shit, but, like, I don't care, man. I just want this stupid intern thing for course credit and shit. So if you've got a girlfriend I guess go see it. Or don't. Or I guess you could see it if you're into that kind of thing. I dunno. See it or don't see it, I don't really care. Whatever. Is this thing 500 words yet?
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