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10/7/03

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Alaric the Visigoth  

Alaric Joins Election Monitors in California

SACRAMENTO (DPI) -- Vowing to use all his resources to ensure a fair fight for the California governorship, Alaric the Visigoth arrived here today with several hundred of his "Visigoth Horde" of fanatical Democratic followers. "I have heard the mighty war cry of Davis the Bland," offered the 5th century sacker of Rome, "and answer my brother Democratic warlord with sword, spear and many remorseless warriors." By stationing his followers at various polling places, Alaric intends to deter in California the irregularities he and other Democrats claim resulted in Al Gore's loss of the Presidency in Florida in 2000. "Let the Republican dogs come, for there shall be no cunning slitting of throats here," he said. "We shall see if this Arnold the Groping, this lumber Hun, can inspire any to face the merciless Democratic iron." The Visigoth warlord dismissed worries over the butterfly ballot still in use in several California counties as overblown. "It is not in the shuffling of papers that Davis the Gray shall claim victory, but upon the battlefield ankle-deep in the entrails of his enemies." Alaric further questioned the political future of Lieutenant Governor Cruz Bustamonte. "Bustamonte the Traitor shall curse the mother that bore him. The hand of the mighty Davis himself shall set his head on a pike."


(Reported by Ishmael Alighieri)


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