Alaric Joins Election Monitors in California
SACRAMENTO (DPI) -- Vowing to use all his resources to ensure a fair fight
for the California governorship, Alaric the Visigoth arrived here today
with several hundred of his "Visigoth Horde" of fanatical Democratic
followers. "I have heard the mighty war cry of Davis the Bland," offered
the 5th century sacker of Rome, "and answer my brother Democratic warlord
with sword, spear and many remorseless warriors."
By stationing his followers at various polling places, Alaric intends to
deter in California the irregularities he and other Democrats claim
resulted in Al Gore's loss of the Presidency in Florida in 2000. "Let the
Republican dogs come, for there shall be no cunning slitting of throats
here," he said. "We shall see if this Arnold the Groping, this lumber Hun,
can inspire any to face the merciless Democratic iron." The Visigoth
warlord dismissed worries over the butterfly ballot still in use in
several California counties as overblown. "It is not in the shuffling of
papers that Davis the Gray shall claim victory, but upon the battlefield
ankle-deep in the entrails of his enemies."
Alaric further questioned the political future of Lieutenant Governor Cruz
Bustamonte. "Bustamonte the Traitor shall curse the mother that bore him.
The hand of the mighty Davis himself shall set his head on a pike."
(Reported by Ishmael Alighieri)