CURRENT ISSUE 10/7/03 Front Page Weekly Features Advice From Strangers Ain't That America? Riding Shotgun With Adventure Alaric Moth's Diary News From Travistan Info Previous Issues Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	News From Travistan The Daily Probe Reports from the Sovereign Apartment Nation of Travistan Vegas Tiger-Mauling Confirms Travistani Vision for Future TRAVAMABAD (DPI) - The government of the apartment-nation of Travistan spoke out regarding the recent tiger attack in Las Vegas, assuring his people that the unfortunate and gruesome event was all part of nature's plan to support the values that built the 2-year-old sovereign Travistani state. "The people of Las Vegas and the animal community have spoken, telling us that Vegas should remain a playground for heavy drinking, gambling well above one's budget and other holy Travistani activities," said an underwear-clad President Travis, thumbing through the travel agency ads in the Sunday paper in the presidential lavatory. "Sorry, I don't normally like to hold my press conferences in here, but those chili dogs last night did a number on me," he added. According to the official Proclamation of Travistani Lifestyles and Values, which the President is hoping to get around to writing down some time soon, "Flashy sequined stage shows put on for the benefit of aging housewives from Topeka will not be accepted as entertainment, unless perhaps there is a tiger-mauling guaranteed on every night." President Travis then closed the door and rustled his newspaper loudly, effectively ending the press conference. (Reported by Travis Ruetenik)
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