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Probe Movie Reviews
by J.J. Krueger


  Training Day

Hey, what's up? Today's movie review is Training Day, the new movie starring Denzel Washington and Ethan Hawke and directed by Antoine Fuqua, director of such films as Bait and The Replacement Killers. I've never seen Bait but I'm sure I don't gotta tell you that Replacement Killers fucking rules. Any of that John Woo-style shit comes on Skinamax and I'm like glued to the couch and rolling up a nice big fatty. Plus it had Mira Sorvino in it -- I totally have a huge crush on her since Mighty Aphrodite even though I fucking hate Woody Allen movies. You ever seen Zelig? That fucking sucked. Mira doesn't take it off in Replacement Killers though, which is totally too bad, but Chow Yun-Fat is amazing man. That guy could change a lightbulb with his foot.

Anyhow, Training Day stars Denzel Washington as this like crooked cop and Ethan Hawke is like the new cop who gets to train with Denzel for one day, and then they get fucked with by Snoop Doggy Dog. That guy is the fucking greatest man. I'm not into much of the rap shit but Snoop Dog is super cool and he really digs weed too, so he's like automatically my brother or something. Some of the Public Enemy stuff is alright and Cypress Hill is super cool, but that's about it for me and the hip hop shit. My roommate Dobie totally hates anything with rapping though, so I almost never play it when he's around. Me and Dobie have been best friends since grade school. We usually just start chugging the Leinenkugels and listen to ClubFist -- they're a local like loud rock/metal band and can usually pack Benny's with twenty or thirty people, which is pretty good. They're playing on Saturday but Karen, the total bitch I work for at Big Burger, won't fucking let me off. I can't fucking stand Karen. She thinks she's like the queen of Big Burger or something. Oh, like it's so hard for her to let me off on one fucking Saturday night. I work every other fucking Saturday night -- she hasn't worked a weekend in fucking at least six months. As soon as I get promoted to assistant manager though, she'll have to get off my back.

They said Training Day has plenty of violence (no nudity though, I guess) and probably has weed, so I can definitely recommend the flick. Hopefully they'll have it in a few weeks at the Cine5. I give it 9 out of a possible 9 J's. So till next time, see you kids at the flix.






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