CURRENT ISSUE 10/08/02 Front Page Weekly Features Advice from Strangers Ain't That America? Moth's Diary News from Travistan Movie Corner Globetrotting with Push Info Archives Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	If You Go to a Urologist, Expect to Get a Long Device Jammed Up Your Schwartz by Frank Haskins When you're Frank Haskins, you pretty much expect to get screwed 24/7. But you know what they say, "Variety is the spice of life," so it's always nice to get fucked over on several different levels. Keeps things interesting that way. Take today, for instance. There was the power outage in the middle of the night, which flubbed up my alarm clock, which in turn caused me to oversleep, which in turn got me in to work 45 minutes late, which in turn led to my boss "repacking my lunch," if you catch my drift. Then there was the call from the bank informing me that I had been turned down for a home equity loan, thanks to my soon-to-be-ex-wife putting our credit rating into the shitter with her 17 fucking charge cards. Well, I thought I had already been raked over pretty good by lunchtime. Little did I realize that up to this point, the evil forces of nature had only doled out a little foreplay. For I had yet to go to my appointment with a urologist. Do you know what a urologist does for a living? He fucks you over. I shit you not. He jams a long goddamn tube up your johnson, and let me tell you, you have not been truly fucked over until you've been fucked by a urologist. By the time I finished my little tea party with Dr. Milosevic, the night was still young. Plenty of opportunities to getted fucked were still ahead, including my teenage son getting suspended from school, the cable TV crapping out, and the toilet overflowing after a healthy dump. To cap it all off, I couldn't even scrape together enough change for a Pabst Blue Ribbon on tap at the bar. To quote Dickens, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, but mostly, it was a time for fucking Frank Haskins." (Reported by Miles Walker)
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